Ever since I left the structured world of school, where I had clearly defined syllabi and my time was evenly distributed throughout class periods, quarters, and semesters, I’ve had a nearly impossible time managing my goals.

Resolutions come and go, habits are started and abandoned, and I often end up feeling like I’m spinning my wheels without moving forward. 

So, this year, instead of listing out every area of my life I feel like I’m failing at and creating goals for those, I’m focusing on building accessible habits instead. I’m also prioritizing pleasurable habits instead of ones that remind me of where I am lacking. That’s why I’m reframing my thinking around habits — and making them sticky.

“Sticky habits center pleasure and purpose, and don’t leave me exasperated, trying to create a new self from the clay of an old year.”

See, I don’t want to have to stick to my habits anymore. I want them to stick to me. (Think about how Instagram algorithms are designed to keep us coming back, that’s what I mean. Getting my brain to the point where I don’t have to think, I just take action.)

That’s why I’m looking for the bright spots of my routine that already exist and creating mindful, simple, everyday habits from those. These habits center pleasure and purpose, and don’t leave me exasperated, trying to create a new self from the clay of an old year. 

Here’s how I’m planning on doing it. 

1. Honestly (and ruthlessly) evaluating where I’m at right now

The past couple of years have been personally disruptive for me to the point where my habits are…well, they’re mostly “bad.” I put that in quotes because I recognize that there is no moral weight to coping mechanisms, some just happen to be more healthful than others. Revenge bedtime procrastination, hours of doomscrolling, and more cheese than vegetables (perhaps more cheese than you’d think humanly possible) have been my companions as I navigated the difficult transitions of divorce and re-learning how to be my own best friend.

But now I’m on the other side of this all and I have to take a step back and seriously recognize where I’m currently at and compare those to the values I’m unearthing once again after a long winter. My home is never tidy, my stomach growls around 2 p.m. when I realize I’ve consumed nothing but coffee, and my finances are less “fine”-ance and more “yikes”-ance. I know all of these situations make me feel worse, and I’m taking stock of how directly my habits are contributing to the pains that come with. So lay it all out on the table — what do you need to be honest with yourself about your habits right now?

2. Ditching SMART goals for attainable routines

I can hear the groans of every life coach, career counselor, and project manager right now. SMART goals are popular for a reason! They give structure and direction to our intentions, and can be a valuable tool in building the life you want. But for me, the concept goes cold as soon as I put pen to paper. What goals do I even want to set?

Instead, I want to build habits that support me, and maybe eventually I’ll know a little more about what it is I actually want. The pressures of goal setting gets me too far into my head, especially when I begin the comparison game of who owns a house, who’s on the 30 Under 30 list, or even just the person who knows exactly what to wear for any occasion. I’m simply not a linear person, and I can’t set goals in the same ways as other folks (another reminder to honestly meet yourself where you’re at).

“I want to build habits that support me, and maybe eventually I’ll know a little more about what it is I actually want.”

So I’m not going to plan to run a marathon before age forty, and instead I’ll focus on doing things that help me in the present moment like getting out on walks with friends. Some other sticky habits I’m working on building (that don’t have the pressures of being perfectly specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, or time-bound):

  • Journaling
  • Tracking my mood each day
  • Reading books that bring me joy
  • Striving for 8 hours of sleep
  • Reducing my alcohol consumption
  • Eating breakfast
  • Cleaning 15 minutes a day
  • Spending 15 minutes of uninterrupted/undistracted time with my pets each day
  • Checking my finances once a week

You can see I don’t have a lot of further actions beyond the habit itself. All of these things bring me happiness or stability, and I know I won’t always get to all of them each day. But keeping track of how I’m doing at the level of basic existence is a helpful reminder that no matter where I’m going, I will always be my own home.

3. Make tracking into a joyful process

This one is my favorite, and if you’ve been reading along you’ll know why — I am gamifying my life this year in ways that I’ve never done before. I’ve created a reward system for these simple habits that are designed to improve my life. Each time I walk 10,000 steps in a day or do laundry for the week, I unlock more tools for self care, like solo coffee dates and accessible day trips.

To keep the momentum of a habit going, I have found that there’s a certain amount of reward I have to offer myself. The benefits of the habit itself don’t always convince me to keep it up, at least at first. Once I start getting eight hours of sleep on the regular, I know I’ll be more likely to continue. Until then, though, I’ll bribe my goofy brain into doing the things I know are best for myself.

In fact, creating habits that stick is all about finding joy in the process where you can. If you approach change from a space of lack or self-punishment, I’ve found that they never stick quite as well.

4. Knowing what success looks like

“By prioritizing habits over goals, success becomes much less acute, and therefore in my book, easier to obtain.”

So many of us want to be successful in our lives but don’t always have a concept of what that looks like. So, we forever move the goalpost and never actually feel like we’ve achieved that success. By prioritizing habits over goals, success becomes much less acute, and therefore in my book, easier to obtain.

Instead of losing a certain amount of pounds or earning a certain amount of money, shifting to a habit mindset is a softer way to get the same end result. Sit with the habits you want to implement and ask yourself why each one is important — and celebrate milestones that move you in that direction. For me, success looks like a habit tracker that’s been filled out, even when it’s emptier than I’d like it to be.

5. Having patience…a lot of patience

To that last point, there will inevitably be days where my tracker has fewer achievements than I anticipated, or even weeks where I don’t hit my walking targets. There are a million reasons this could happen, from sickness and unexpected social obligations to being in a general slump. I have previously punished myself for not establishing a certain amount of “good” habits overnight. Yes, consistency is key, but self-punishment has never been an effective method for me when it comes to creating sticky habits.

Instead, I like to adopt a learning mindset and be curious about why certain weeks might have been more difficult than others. The aim of all this isn’t to become someone new without effort, the aim of building sticky habits is to create a positive routine over time, while being kind to ourselves.

Ultimately, creating habits that stick to you is about embracing all of the uncertain and unexpected ways you experience yourself. Knowing ourselves is infinitely better than picking up yet another trending social media routine (we can’t all be “that girl”, and we shouldn’t force ourselves to try). If you find yourself in a rut where you’re beating yourself up over not achieving greater goals every day, please know you’re not alone. And know that you don’t have to measure yourself by your accomplishments — the only measure of a self is the peace you create, and the peace you find in yourself.

“You don’t have to measure yourself by your accomplishments — the only measure of a self is the peace you create, and the peace you find in yourself.”

Emily McGowan is the Editorial Director at The Good Trade. She studied Creative Writing and Business at Indiana University, and has over ten years of experience as a writer and editor in sustainability and lifestyle spaces. Since 2017, she’s been discovering and reviewing the top sustainable home, fashion, beauty, and wellness products so readers can make their most informed decisions. Her editorial work has been recognized by major publications like The New York Times and BBC Worklife. You can usually find her in her colorful Los Angeles apartment journaling, caring for her rabbits and cat, or gaming. Say hi on Instagram!