I’m going to turn 40 next summer, and if I’m honest, it’s a milestone I approach with a mix of excitement and existential dread. Right now, I’m happier than I’ve ever been — fulfilled in my career, married to someone kind, represented by a literary agent (!), and thriving with my rescue dog by my side. But aging? That’s something I have complex feelings about. I think about longevity a lot, and I’ll admit: I’m not immune to quarterly treatments like Botox to keep looking and feeling good. Aging is strange — sometimes, I embrace it; other times, I feel like I’m racing against time.

“Aging is strange — sometimes, I embrace it; other times, I feel like I’m racing against time.”

When I look back ten years, I see a younger version of myself in a far different place. At 29, I was in an abusive relationship, shifting from education to copywriting, and trying to find my voice as a writer. Now, I’m stronger, more grateful for my body, and more confident in who I am. And still, I have this itch to accomplish more, to tick off goals before it’s “too late.” But what is “too late,” anyway? 

I even wrote a poem about this dance between youth and beauty, the way we carry these ideals through life. (Spoiler alert: Beauty exists at *every* age.) I truly believe aging is a gift — so many people never get the chance. But that doesn’t mean I always enjoy it or don’t have conflicting feelings about the journey.

A recent conversation with a phlebotomist at a routine check up brought it all back into focus. “What are you going to do for the big birthday?” she asked, while drawing my blood. I laughed and shrugged. Maybe I’ll visit a new city and drink champagne, or do nothing, or finally decide on starting a family once and for all. Or write another book. Or adopt a second dog. The possibilities — and the questions — feel endless.

“The possibilities — and the questions — feel endless.”

Instead of overthinking, I reached out to some inspiring women I admire, each who has crafted a life filled with meaning and purpose. I’m learning to approach this new decade with curiosity: How can I make my 40s more expansive, more joyful, more free?

As you read on, you’ll hear from three women who are redefining midlife with grace and ambition. Like me, they’re challenging the old narratives about aging and embracing this stage of life as something powerful. Here’s to living fully, at every age. 🫧

What is “midlife” exactly? 

Midlife, often defined as the years between 40 and 65, marks a stage that many experience as a mix of growth, reflection, and change. According to Psychology Today, this phase often brings shifts in relationships, health, and even one’s appearance. Traditionally, we’ve thought of middle age beginning right at 40, but as people live longer and healthier lives, some now argue that midlife doesn’t truly start until 45. It’s a stage that carries mixed feelings: Western culture tends to cling to youth, while many Eastern cultures embrace the wisdom of aging.  

“Midlife, often defined as the years between 40 and 65, marks a stage that many experience as a mix of growth, reflection, and change.”

But is this classic idea of “midlife” still relevant? I’m not sure it is. I don’t feel trapped by age or limited by outdated expectations. I have a career I love, a happy home with a supportive partner, and I’m always seeking out new experiences. Instead of wondering “Is that all there is?” I find myself curious to explore what’s next. So perhaps it’s time to redefine what it means to be 40 and beyond — because this stage is looking far more dynamic than the stereotypes we’ve held onto for so long.

Thriving, reinventing, and embracing your own path

In a world that often labels midlife as a finish line, the reality is far more empowering: this stage can be an invitation to live boldly, embrace change, and pursue joy without apology. 

“In a world that often labels midlife as a finish line, the reality is far more empowering.”

For Kim Masson, founder of 204 Hauscrafters, reaching her 40s was a turning point and not an endpoint. Reflecting on her expectations from her younger years, she shares, “When I was in my 20s, I had that stereotypical image of being married, having kids, firmly set in a career…Once I entered my 40s, I realized everyone has their own timeline. Life is messy. All the pressures we put on ourselves to be at a certain stage of our lives are not defined by a number.”

In fact, stepping into her 40s became a revelation. “For months leading up to the big 4-0, I was a mess,” she admits. Fears about aging, about “supposed to’s,” and about invisibility loomed. But on the other side of that birthday, she found clarity. “Something inside just clicked. I grew into my skin. Learned how to say no. Learned to reinvent myself.” 

Now running her own business, Masson feels free to experiment and to define success on her own terms. This freedom, she notes, came from releasing societal expectations and embracing the value of trying new things: “It’s never too late to go after what you desire. Middle age isn’t an endpoint. It’s simply a timestamp for you to get out there and accomplish those long-standing goals.”

“It’s never too late to go after what you desire. Middle age isn’t an endpoint. It’s simply a timestamp for you to get out there and accomplish those long-standing goals.”

– Kim Masson, founder of 204 Hauscrafters

For Masson, true empowerment comes from ignoring the judgments of others and leaning fully into one’s own aspirations. “Don’t care what others think. People are too busy thinking about themselves,” she says. “You’re the one steering the ship. Use this time to make it go where you want to go.” Her advice is to approach this phase with curiosity and a willingness to reinvent: “Try on different hats. Be open to the universe. There’s lots of surprising outcomes in store if you focus on the journey, not the end results.”

In her 40s, Masson found herself caring less about conforming and more about joy, creativity, and meaning. Her message to women approaching this milestone? Life doesn’t come with a set script. Embrace the messiness, pursue what makes you feel alive, and let this be the decade you unapologetically choose your own path.

Embracing power, spirituality, and personal identity

Midlife is much more than an age on a timeline — it’s a stage that invites depth, reflection, and a renewed sense of identity. Crystal Fawn, a psychic, views this phase as a time for spiritual awakening, a period when we can finally “zoom-out” on life’s complexities. “Numbers aside,” she shares, “there is a significant transition that occurs around 40…it’s not that you feel old as much as it is recognizing that you are no longer young.” This awareness, she explains, allows us to see our past with greater clarity, giving rise to a powerful opportunity for growth.

“There is a significant transition that occurs around 40…it’s not that you feel old as much as it is recognizing that you are no longer young.”

– Crystal Fawn, psychic

For many women, the journey into midlife brings a new focus on resilience, particularly in how they approach stress and complexity. Fawn sees this shift reflected in tarot readings, where The Star card frequently appears for clients between the ages of 38 and 51. The card, she notes, “is a huge lesson about accepting stress as a given and building coping skills around it.” The spiritual challenge in this life phase is to move beyond simple positive thinking and instead integrate optimism and grounding as part of a more nuanced approach to life’s inherent stressors.

Another key lesson for women in their 40s is the importance of redefining personal identity and allowing that identity to flourish in diverse, meaningful ways. Fawn observes, “One spiritual lesson that shows up often is regarding personal identity…the deities usually step in and encourage individuals to focus less on their ‘brand’ or ‘abilities’ and more on their network.” Here, the focus shifts from introspection to retrospection, encouraging women to explore their identities in relation to the community and to understand that they’re part of something larger than themselves. This perspective allows midlife to become a time for connecting deeply with others and expanding one’s impact beyond the individual.

“Another key lesson for women in their 40s is the importance of redefining personal identity and allowing that identity to flourish in diverse, meaningful ways.”

Fawn’s guidance for harnessing intuition and purpose aligns with the idea of stepping into personal power through action and community. “We don’t exist in a vacuum,” she explains. “Planet Earth is a place where we come to work with others, in community, and for a purpose that is larger than ourselves.”

This means moving beyond self-reflection to engage in collective growth and support — a journey that can be made easier by seeking out mentors and spiritual guides.

As for archetypes, Fawn suggests drawing from figures like Baba Yaga and The Evil Queen in fairy tales. “Baba Yaga is…a reminder that we can absorb wisdom from youth as easily as we can experience curiosity and freedom from old age.” These archetypes embody the complex layers of wisdom, curiosity, and courage that midlife invites us to explore. “In our youth, everything moves too slow, and toward the end, we say, ‘It all went so fast.’ Both are correct.” This concept of time and transformation, she explains, lies at the heart of what makes midlife a powerful experience.

Fawn’s advice for stepping into this phase of life with confidence? Fill your arsenal with new archetypes — people who have thrived and adapted at every stage, whether it’s Michelle Yeoh’s late-blooming recognition or Jane Fonda’s relentless stamina. For women in midlife, these stories offer lessons on aging, identity, and how to embrace each phase with grace and grit.

Stop “fitting in” and discover your true self

For many, midlife becomes a period of deeper self-discovery and the courage to prioritize the self in ways they haven’t before. 

For Dawn Wirt, a teacher, writer, and intuitive reader, this stage has been about claiming her independence and reshaping her life on her own terms. She describes her shift toward freelancing as an act of self-trust and self-ownership: “These days, I mostly freelance: to me, this signals me, choosing for me.” Over time, she felt less drawn to the constraints of a traditional workplace and found joy in the freedom of working for herself. 

“For many, midlife becomes a period of deeper self-discovery and the courage to prioritize the self in ways they haven’t before.”

In her 40s, Wirt began to embrace a truer sense of herself, shifting from external expectations to her own preferences. “By my 40s, I had a stronger sense of myself. I lost the desire to ‘fit in,’” she reflects. This shift meant releasing the things that no longer aligned with her identity — whether that was jobs, friendships, or even material possessions. It was an evolution that involved letting go of what no longer served her, creating space for a more authentic, grounded life. 

Trusting oneself, Wirt emphasizes, is an essential practice in midlife. “The more you learn to trust yourself, the easier this process will be.” This trust also means embracing change and surrendering to the lessons it brings. Wirt advises that as we navigate midlife, we should remember that everything we experience can be reframed — our lives are the stories we tell ourselves, and those stories have the power to shape our reality. “When we tell ourselves stories about our strength and resilience, we experience strength and resilience,” she says.

“The more you learn to trust yourself, the easier this process will be.”

– Dawn Wirt, teacher, writer, and intuitive reader

This period is also about making intentional choices. For Wirt, the ability to consciously choose what surrounds her — whether it’s people, work, or even how she spends her time — has brought immense satisfaction. “Now, I choose my experiences, and when things happen that I didn’t choose, I choose how to react,” she shares. Learning to discern what is within her control has relieved much of the stress that defined her earlier years, allowing her to feel more at ease and empowered.

Wirt’s advice for those approaching this life stage is simple yet profound: let go of what you think you know about yourself and start fresh. “Take an honest personal inventory… not according to what’s trendy or expected,” she suggests. The goal is to find the “core YOU,” aka, the self that existed before outside pressures began to shape our identity. Embrace the courage to make choices that align with your truth and let go of anything that doesn’t support it. As she adds: “Be brave. You’ll be glad for it.”

My final thoughts on 40

These women have shown me that life’s uncertainties are best navigated by trusting my inner self and caring less about outside expectations. I hope my 40s will also be a journey of unearthing deeper layers of who I am and letting that guide me.

Here’s to a new chapter, filled with purpose, authenticity, and living fully. If you’ve passed this milestone, share in the comments your thoughts about turning 40. We’d love to hear from you!

Stephanie Valente is a Contributing Editor at The Good Trade. She is a copywriter and editor covering wellness, commerce, lifestyle — and more — for publications like Brooklyn Magazine. Based in Brooklyn, she’s often writing poetry, getting lost in a book, or hanging out with her dog.