Growing up around my Southern family, the topic of weight was always an issue. After not seeing someone for a while, elders would greet me by identifying how much weight I’d gained or lost. This was the foundation on which my body image was built.

“After not seeing someone for a while, elders would greet me by identifying how much weight I’d gained or lost.”

I’ve never had what societal norms would call the ideal summer body — no small waist, perfect curves, toned skin, long hair, or bare arms. In fact, I’ve always had the complete opposite: Zero thigh gap, hairy arms, cellulite, and back fat that spills over my bra band.

For the longest time, I would hide under a graphic t-shirt and biker shorts — not because I loved the outfit combo, but because it did a great job at hiding the extra couple of pounds I was always hoping to lose.

It took years for me to fall in love with the body I have. With therapy, I’ve realized that I no longer wanted to hide this body that cares for me and carries me through life. In this transition, I made a habit of confronting my body daily. Standing in front of my mirror each day, watching myself eat or dance, changed the way I felt about myself. And it has had a cascading effect, changing how I think about food, movement, and other life essentials.

“I’ve realized that I no longer wanted to hide this body that cares for me and carries me through life.”

Falling in love with my body didn’t have anything to do with losing weight. It had everything to do with simply appreciating the body that constantly showed up for me and kept me safe.

What exactly is a summer body?

The term “summer body” denotes ideal body types for the season’s activities like wearing a bikini or sunbathing. These standards can be traced back to marketing campaigns used by women’s magazines in the 1960s to sell weight loss products and body enhancers. These advertisements would quickly become the standard that all women were expected to follow, and have a lasting impact on women’s self-conception.

“The panic about our bodies […] has less to do with taking care of oneself and more to do with meeting an almost impossible standard.”

While there’s no issue with wanting to feel fit and comfortable in your skin, the summer body phenomenon tends to promote unhealthy practices. Summer body goals are often associated with slimming down and toning up quickly — and much of the impetus for the change can be attributed to how others will view your body while you’re at the beach, pool, or simply wearing a tank or shorts walking down the street.

The panic about our bodies, and the subsequent yo-yo dieting and heightened exercise, has less to do with taking care of oneself and more to do with meeting an almost impossible standard.

Why is it so hard to love our bodies?

For many women like myself, body shaming is learned from a young age. According to Stacey McCall-Martin, LMFT and Lifestyle Coach at The Fruited Life, young girls who hear derogatory statements surrounding their bodies often carry these beliefs with them as they grow older. 

“For many women like myself, body shaming is learned from a young age.”

“Those same concepts follow us as we are forming our own identity,” explains McCall-Martin. “Our personality is still being fine-tuned [in childhood] and it becomes ingrained in who we are, our relationship to our bodies, and often our relationship to food as well.”  

Oftentimes, young girls with curvier shapes are told they are growing up too fast. Or they are influenced to eat more or less based on the opinions of those around them. These experiences can cause one to develop an unhealthy body image, and adopt these ideas as their own.

“With so much noise about how our bodies look, it is hard to connect to a sense of appreciation for all they do for us.”

Loving our bodies only becomes more difficult under the influence of social media. Photo angles, filters, and short-form video content often conceal the parts of our bodies that we don’t like as much. On the contrary, it can also highlight the “good,” forcing many who use the platforms into a constant state of comparison and delusion about what others’ relationships to their bodies are like.

With so much noise about how our bodies look, it is hard to connect to a sense of appreciation for all they do for us.

Tips for feeling safe in your body this summer

This summer, consider that all you need is a body to participate in the season’s festivities. Below are tips on how to put the standards aside and enjoy your time in your body. (P.S. None of the tips have to do with dieting!)

Focus on your present body experience  

Before you begin, you should know what you presently think about your body. It is important to recall your first interaction with your body so you can begin to dismantle negative thoughts surrounding it. McCall-Martin recommends beginning with the practice of mindfulness. This can be done by yourself or with a mental health professional. It is simply the act of paying close attention to what is happening internally and externally.

“Before you begin, you should know what you presently think about your body.”

As you go through your morning routine take a second to notice what your body is doing. What is your routine as you look in the mirror? Are you critical of yourself from certain angles? Look at your closet: Have you been avoiding anything for the sake of a flattering silhouette? As you go into deep reflection notice the thoughts and flashbacks you may have surrounding your body. Write them down as you go along and recognize which thoughts and experiences may be harmful. Noticing this is the first step.

Start respecting your body 

If you struggle with feeling safe in your body, artist, and author of “Here Sister, Let Me Help You Up,” Stephanie Chinn recommends starting off with respect. She reminds us that loving our body may be difficult at first because it constantly changes. But, if we respect our body, we can learn to love it in whatever state it is in.

“Respect means caring for it in a way where your body’s basic needs are met.”

Learning to respect your body may look different for everyone. But at its foundation respect means caring for it in a way where your body’s basic needs are met. Think about an elder or loved one you admire or respect: You’re mindful of what you say to them and how you treat them simply because it’s the right thing to do. The same should be applied to your body — feeding it, moving it, and caring for it is simply the respectful thing to do. As you do this, love will come.

Nurture your body through the creative arts 

For women on the journey to feeling safe in their body, Chinn also recommends stepping outside of your comfort zone to tackle a creative endeavor. This can look like dance, journaling, or drawing to change the negative narrative you may have once had surrounding your body. For example, through her therapeutic art classes, Chinn begins with some form of reflective activity and then accompanies it with painting and drawing of the emotions felt.

“Just let your body exist.”

The best way to get creative is to have fun and associate your body with feeling liberated. Just let your body exist. This may mean trying a new pole dancing or full-body painting class. These activities help you experience bodily sensations and self-reflection that you may have difficulty putting into words.

Explore your body through physical touch  

As you begin to confront your body through mindfulness, exploration through touch can be beneficial. This form of self-love is a way to connect with yourself and become comfortable with the skin you’re in. 

McCall-Martin suggests activities like standing in front of a mirror and lotioning your body with your favorite essential oil or body butter. Small acts like this are a way to show up for your body daily. This reinforces the idea that you have love for your body, and it will become more dependable as time goes on.

Affirm your body  

Your body is a very loyal companion to you. Think of all the ways it shows up for you every day: Your body helps you go about your daily routine, it tells you when it needs to refuel with food or sleep, and it tries to protect you from harmful experiences.  

“Show your appreciation by affirming it in its own state.”

Show your appreciation by affirming it in its own state. You can simply begin by telling it “thank you” for all the hard work it does.

Post sticky notes with written affirmations around your house to remind yourself to say them aloud. As you begin to affirm your body, you will also begin to change the thought patterns surrounding it. ✨

Feeling safe in your own body takes work. It doesn’t happen overnight. There were many days I fought with the idea of loving all aspects of my body. But, daily small steps made a huge difference over time. Now, I stand in the mirror and smile at the effort I put in. Whether I gain weight, lose it, or have marks in visible places, the body I have is mine and is deserving of honor, love, and respect. 

“The body I have is mine and is deserving of honor, love, and respect.”

However your summer body looks, make sure it is one you care for.

Brianna Robles is a Brooklyn, NY-based lifestyle freelance writer. Her creative writing platform, Writing My Wrongs, encourages people to share their full story. When she’s not writing, you can find her performing at open mics and trying new restaurants.